Conflict Resolution YP8
- YP recognises the worst fears that drive both theirs and the parent’s to escalate arguments
- YP learns that if worst fears are reassured (basic needs met) a negotiation becomes easier and less ‘hot’
- YP learns to express wants and needs without blaming and to listen better in conflict
This session is designed to help the young person to manage conflict when this arises. You want them to understand that conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, if handled well and assertively, it can lead to better communication and understanding. In this exercise you are going to teach a technique for assertive conflict resolution. This technique focuses first on clarifying what the argument is about. Once this is done the young person can move onto thinking about resolution/ solutions.
Often, when we have repeated arguments the thing, we are arguing about is a symbol of a deeper issue.
For example, if the young person has a repeated argument about staying out late, it is likely that conflict has a deeper issue within it. For the parent they probably feel worried and scared that something may happen. For the young person, the conflict probably causes them to feel they’re not trusted, or they feel embarrassed. The young person may fear they’re not allowed to grow up or become independent. If both parties can clarify what is going on for them in this conflict, they may be able to come to an agreement that helps them to allow the young person a degree of trust while ensuring the parent feels less anxious. Articulating these needs rather than trying to ‘win’ the conflict is likely to be much more productive.
Being assertive is simple but not easy. It takes bravery and vulnerability. It is, however, the foundation of healthy relationships and is a useful skill to learn. Conflict avoidance or aggression are unhealthy alternatives to assertion and should be avoided wherever possible. Both of those styles cause damage to relationships.
