Conflict Resolution PC7
- Parent recognises the worst fears that drive both theirs and the YP to escalate arguments
- Parent learns that if worst fears are reassured (basic needs met) a negotiation becomes easier and less ‘hot’
- Parent learns to express wants and needs without blaming and to listen better in conflict
This session is designed to help the parent to manage conflict when this arises. You want the parent to understand that conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, if handled well and assertively, it can lead to better communication and understanding. In this exercise you are going to teach a technique for assertive conflict resolution. This technique focuses first on clarifying what the argument is about before moving onto resolution/solutions.
Often, when we have repeated arguments the thing, we are arguing about is a symbol of a deeper issue.
For example, if you have a repeated argument about your child (or partner!) putting their socks near to the laundry basket rather than in the laundry basket, the issue here is not really that their behaviour has caused you additional and unnecessary work. Of course, that is annoying but it’s not the real cause of your upset. It’s more likely that the real issue is that your child’s behaviour has meant you feel uncared for or disrespected. Articulating this rather than ‘nagging’ about the socks, is likely to be more effective.
The young person will be learning the same conflict resolution technique in their individual session that week. It is useful to let the parent know that the young person will recognise the clarifying stage if they hear it and will have worked through some of their own stuff and should be receptive to it.
Being assertive is simple but not easy. It takes bravery and vulnerability. It is, however, the foundation of healthy relationships and is a useful skill to learn. Conflict avoidance or aggression are unhealthy alternatives to assertion and should be avoided wherever possible. Both of those styles cause damage to relationships
